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Lania Desmond

How to Parent a Conscious Child

Lania has a unique ability to work from the deepest levels of consciousness. Her mastery creates concrete results."— Henry Herzberger, Ph.D.

Most would agree that children being born today are different. More awake and aware of who they are, they certainly seem to dance to a very different drummer. Though we realize nothing is more important than being a good parent, for many of us with these unique children, it's a job we've been given little or no training for. We learn English, math, history, but where do we learn how to parent these gifted children?

Our primary caregivers set the stage for our parenting. From their example, we built a complete library of parenting behaviors and skills. They were not always ideal patterns to raise creative, balanced children, much less to understand what a conscious child might require. Even if parents are adamant they won't repeat their parents' mistakes, they will do just that unless they replace their ingrained programming. Einstein summed it up: "We cannot solve today's problems with yesterday's thinking."

Conscious Parenting
Before the revolutionary ideas of Lamaze and Bradley, the norm was to drug women during childbirth to eliminate their pain. This was believed to be superior to giving birth naturally. Then these new thinkers showed women how to breathe, to relax, to know they could reclaim their right to natural childbirth. We all know the paradigm shift their new ideas had on childbirth today.

Now another wave of awareness, Conscious Parenting, is making a similar impact. Any cursory review of the Internet and books on Conscious Parenting will reveal many definitions of this new idea. Most focus on techniques to modify behavior: how to resolve conflict, how to communicate more effectively, how to build self-esteem. While these are important and useful, they are primarily directed at changing the behavior of the child! I feel the emphasis is misplaced. It's not about changing the child; it's about parents embracing a new paradigm of thinking, ultimately having a positive effect on the child.

The Way We Were
In the past, our parents showed us what was out of balance through their thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. They were the catalyst for us to go on a personal search for the truth to set right what was askew. Some of us embarked on a major life quest to forgive, heal, and change our pasts to achieve our most cherished dreams and desires.

This old model no longer applies. We have come to that long-awaited shift predicted eons ago. Children coming in now are not so much influenced by us as we are influenced by them. It's almost like we're sandwiched between the need to heal our past and the intensity of these children.

To better understand this dilemma, let's look at it using the analogy of a computer. We want our computer (we parents) to perform a task (being Conscious Parents) that it doesn't have the program for. We try one thing after another (parenting from the old paradigm), but without the new program, nothing works. Frustrated, we don't get our desired result (great relationships with our children).

What if you could download the program with the correct components built in to accomplish your desire? Then it would simply be a matter of exploring this new program and enjoying the adventure. To paraphrase Einstein, we do not change just because we want to but rather because we replace our thinking—what I call adding new programs—in order to have different results.

New Parenting
True Conscious Parenting comes from embracing the qualities and gifts your children already have, where your core of confidence is so deep, you are easily in alignment with yourself and your child’s unspoken needs. Then the ability to relate to your children from a fresh perspective comes naturally.

A Conscious Parent goes beyond reactive problem-solving and cultivates a radical shift in consciousness. Mom now has the inner guidance to do for her child what she wished somebody had done for her. Dad is now confident, secure; his compassion and tenderness come out.

Conscious Parenting can help you understand your child's experiences and inner life. It can alleviate tension surrounding communication, and also expand your child's awareness of who he or she truly is. From all this, deeper bonding is the natural result.

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